Friday, January 22, 2010

Living in a small town in Connecticut, I rarely find an opportunity for adventure. I'm mostly surrounded by farms and suburbs and since I just got my license yesterday I've mostly depended on my parents to drive me places, therefore, I don't often get to go anywhere all that interesting. Tonight, however, was very different.

So today was my friend's birthday. He's an exchange student from Germany and he's leaving at the end of the month. Tonight we threw him a little going away party. The original plan was to meet up with a bunch of friends at this restaurant in New London, that has the best pasta you will find outside of Italy, at least that's what anybody from around here will tell you. The wait there turned out to be super long. Some of the rather dramatic, high maintenance, yet absolutely wonderful people in the group got a bit antsy and decided we should give up on this restaurant and go to the Thai food restaurant one of the girls' parents owns.

My friend Jenny and I were riding together and we arrived at the second restaurant before the rest of the group so we decided to do some exploring until they arrived. Jenny wanted to find this coffee shop she's heard about so we ended up walking around downtown New London for a bit, which tends to be a bit sketchy at night. We never found the coffee shop, but we did pass a guy smoking a blunt, who then proceeded to walk right past a cop car, and since the two of us had just finished up at the gym we had lots of endorphins buzzing around, leaving us rather hyper, we found this really funny. (that's a huge run-on sentence, but I think that just goes to illustrate how hyper I still am so I'm gonna leave it) We also passed this organic restaurant that Jenny and I decided we have to try out at some point because organic food is the way to go, and much more vegetarian friendly than the average restaurant. Anyway, soon after that we figured the rest of the group had probably gotten to the restaurant by now so we headed back to find them waiting for us.

On the topic of being adventurous I had some pretty spicy vegetable curry at the restaurant along with some soup I didn't catch the name of, but it was full of seaweed and tofu which was great. To top it off-- fried coconut ice cream-- honestly I think the only word that properly describes the stuff would be orgasmic. Side note, I love the political conversations I have with my friends, we're all moderately to very liberal, we tend to get pretty excited in political discussions and I'm very proud of the fact that we carry on intelligent conversation rather than talking about nothing all the time.

Back to adventure. After dinner, Jenny and I headed out, hoping yet again to find that coffee shop. Alas, we never did find it. What we did do was get a little lost in New London, but we decided we liked being lost, it was rather exhilarating. So we decided to stay lost. We took loads of back roads, but I couldn't get coffee off my mind so I made jenny stop at a random convenience store so I could get some crappy coffee there, but I didn't care, it was caffeinated. We came across some rather amusing street names during the trip. Jenny, ever the Disney fanatic, was very excited about Cinderella road. We also found a road called rainbow lane, immediately followed by gay hill. Needless to say I know where I'm going to be living when I move out of the house. Except I'm actually getting the fuck out of Connecticut because I need more adventure than an occasional destinationless road trip. So we got ourselves REALLY lost, so we just kept driving until we found a road sign pointing to a familiar highway. This might have been a little less exciting if not for the fact that Jenny had to have me home by 10:45 so that she could get home before curfew. At about 10:15 we were still pretty lost. We were just beginning to get worried when I figured out where we were and by some miracle where we were was only about 15 minutes from my house so we got home with time to spare.

Maybe that wouldn't sound too exciting to somebody who actually leads an interesting life. I however, spend most of my time doing school work and school activities, reading books, and hanging around and talking with my friends. I spend most of my time doing what is expected of me. This makes life easier, the people I have to work with stay happy with me and I'm usually pretty content living that way. However, there is definitely something to be said about diverging from the plan, I try to do so in small ways to keep from losing my mind, and tonight was a somewhat more profound way of doing that and I enjoyed it deeply. I feel like it was an important life experience for me and it's likely to stay with me for a while.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

my confusing take on spirituality...

So I have some time to kill and I think I wanna spend it throwing thoughts out into the madness of the internet... So in my first blog I promised to voice my thoughts on religion, and since I'm in a very spiritual mood at the moment, why not now. just a little disclaimer I'm not trying to influence anybody's beliefs, this is just how I see things personally. I'm going to try to avoid churchy talk, cus it annoys me, but it's gonna happen a little bit, so if that would annoy you, don't read this.

So for the record, I was raised catholic, and spent the majority of my life so far thinking that if my parents and sunday school teachers said something, it must be true. Now I'm not saying that these people were feeding me lies, but I think that when you grow up in such a traditional environment it's easy to develop a very narrow view concerning how religion works. In the past few years I've been lucky enough to expand this view and I think I'm a lot more connected to God because of it.

I really don't like the way that people tend to think that there can only be one right way and everybody else's way is wrong. I think that God/the creator/whatever you want to call Him/Her is such a huge complex being that there can't possibly be one way to look at Him. And the world is such a diverse place that different views and practices work better for different people, and that's a wonderful thing. Religion reflects culture and tradition as much as it reflects the creed that it upholds, it's not that one religion is right and all the others are wrong, it is that each religion is best for the group of people that subscribe to it.

Something that really works for me kinda goes along with the transcendentalist way of seeing things. I know all that oversoul stuff comes off sounding really eccentric, but I love the idea that we're all connected to one another and to nature. Anybody who's familiar with typical Christian beliefs is familiar with the verse "God is Love" this is really at the center of my beliefs, and I think that that love is what is at the center of existence in general, that love is what keeps us all connected so that God is a part of us and we are a part of Him and everything on this earth that he has put us in. I think pretty much the only thing He really wants out of us is to love and respect Him, to love and respect ourselves and one another, and to love and respect our environment. I think it's really easy to see the beauty in life and in the world when you focus on that love. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anybody besides me but I don't really think it has to.

Bringing that whole diversity of views thing into the mix, I think it's important to try to gain a lot of different perspectives in spirituality because it's so obviously multi-faceted. I think the reason a lot of people shy away from religion is they don't feel certain enough in what they think they would have to believe in. But really there is no certainty when it comes to spirituality. While I am 100% sure that there is a God and that I Love him I know this because I can feel it. I don't understand details, but I don't think you have to, I think it's enough to have that much and there's no need to explain every last part of how He works.

Personally I'm a big believer in going with gut instincts and being open to what the world is telling you. God talks to me every single day. Not in a Joan of Arc hearing voices kind of way, though that'd be cool, but in a paint with all the colors of the wind sort of way. (that only makes sense if you've seen Pocahontas but that song seriously explains it better than I ever could). I hear Him in music, in random incidents in my life, and in tons of other ways. I talk to him like I would any other friend, except I say thank you to Him a whole lot more. I think of God as somebody who's just there for us, to listen and to guide. He doesn't play favorites, he doesn't see Christians as any better than anybody else. When people start wielding religion like a weapon to prove that they're better than others, that's what turns a lot of people off of religion. I don't think it's criminal not to have faith, though I know I'm personally a lot happier because I have it.

So I don't know if it's possible to follow anything I'm saying if you're not living in my head, but it was nice just getting it out in writing and if anybody else connects with it, that's great too.Everything I just said is really only the tip of the iceberg, I don't pretend for a second that I have everything out, but this is most of what I've gotten so far and I think I've got a lot more to figure out as I move forward in life.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Well I had the best day in a very long time today, and I feel the need to share about it so that's exactly what I'm going to do!

So really it all started with the fact that I got seven straight hours of sleep last night for the first time in a while, so I was just feeling good off the bat, my coffee also tasted especially good today for some reason. I walk into AP English, which I love more than any class I've ever taken and am really a bit disappointed that it's ending on Thursday, but that's beside the point. Anyway, in English we watched Cinema Paradiso -- a beautiful Italian film about a man looking back on his life, and can I just say that the Italian language is so much nicer than English. The movie's ending wasn't really happy, yet it leaves one feeling so good about life somehow. As the film ended our teacher handed back some papers, turns out I got an A on that critique of Dorian Gray that I finished at 4:00 am friday morning, I do believe I might make my parents put it on the refrigerator even though that's not something we've ever really done in my house, because I'm quite proud of myself.

After English I had band, and my little sister came from the elementary school with her class to watch us perform, and while that girl can be a pain at home, I love her and the class was fun because we got to answer their questions about band instead of rehearsing fugue on yankee doodle -- a song which I absolutely despise -- so really everybody won.

Fast forward to AP psych... we played jeopardy to prepare for the final exam, our team was losing about 8000 points, we managed to make a comeback, on the final question the score was 9500 to 9700 and the last question was worth 700 points so whoever got the answer would win. somehow, even though I tend to suck at jeopardy because I take too long to process things, I managed to be the first person to answer the question. So my team is getting 4 bonus points on the final. I felt like that kid that hits a game winning homer, which yes, I know, is extremely lame but I felt good about myself.

I also had rehearsal for S.O.S. which was fabulous as always, had to run home to change and head back to school for weight lifting with the team to get ready for softball season. Coach talked me into doing squats with more weight than anybody else was using which was not easy but I'm stubborn so I finished the sets and coach called me a beast which made me feel good about myself.

I got home made myself an egg and provolone cheese sandwich and proceeded to take the longest shower in history. Now here I am writing this blog while dad prepares pasta and I think I'm going to go make some vegetarian meat sauce to go with it which I'm excited about.
The End

Thursday, January 7, 2010

So I need a break from writing my thesis paper so here I am! I feel a bit awful for saying that because I love my English class and teacher and am extremely excited about the paper I'm writing, but I have a short attention span, so there you go. My paper's on Oscar Wilde's defense of homosexuality in The Picture of Dorian Gray, and maybe I'm a bit of a dork but I'm really enjoying myself as I'm writing it. That is I'm enjoying myself except when I read over the part where I explain that Wilde was prosecuted and sentenced to hard labour for being gay. Anybody else getting really angry as they read that?

So in other news, I'm looking forward to the homework-less 4 day weekend I have coming up after finals next week, it's gonna be great. I think I'm going to read Why We Suck, by Denis Leary, who is extremely intelligent not only by celebrity standards but by normal people standards as well. If you haven't heard of it, Why We Suck basically spends 200 pages making fun of Americans and the 2o or so pages I've found time to read are quite hilarious. Especially lately, I've become quite skeptical about the society I live in, and also rather disillusioned about my own life and the people in it. Maybe this has something to do with the fact that the other day my father called gay marriage disgusting, not realizing I was trying to find a way to tell him I'm gay. I know it's really pathetic that I still haven't come out to my parents, but I'm not sure I can handle any more stress and I'm not sure how worth it it is at this point...

so yeah, back to my original point, society's far from perfect, and I love poking holes in its madness, which is why I can't wait to read this book. Then again, there's a good chance I'll just end up watching hours of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and spending iTunes money I got for Christmas... Any musical suggestions? I'm kinda leaning toward the indie vein at the moment - death cab for cutie, Regina Spektor <3, imogen heap, bright eyes etc. so anything along those lines would be welcomed.

So I found my costume for SOS last week (a sexy little red dress, I might add green leggings if I can find any) and I can't wait for the show, it's gonna be fantastic. My version of Mrs. Claus is extremely sassy and honestly, I think she's on the verge of leaving Santa, which would be the best choice she ever made since he's a fat, bitter drunk. (sorry kids). Well, I'm kinda tired of rambling now, so I'm going to go finish writing about Dorian Gray and gay rights!
TaTa <3

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

So I just got home from rehearsal for Students on Stage-a group of short student written and directed plays- it's rather SNL-esque. The play I'm in is called In Sickness and In Health, it's about a marriage counseling session for fictional characters, I'll be playing Jessica Claus, which i'm incredibly excited about. Rehearsal was a wonderful end to a not so wonderful day.

So I was going to include a little rant about why the day was not so wonderful, but I read it over and realized I sounded incredibly whiny and the things I was complaining about are rather inconsequential. Just a bit of friend drama and school woes, and I feel better since I vented to friends who aren't responsible for the drama, so instead I'm going to talk about how excited I am that there is a half day of school between myself and Christmas break. I plan to do a ton of reading and movie watching and music discovering. I still need to find a few gifts for some friends and am heading out to get that done in a little bit. I need to find really awesome gifts, one friend already gave me my gift and as if I wasn't already aware that she's an amazing person, her gift made it even clearer. She got me a vegetarian cookbook for college students, one of the chapters is titled "avoiding the freshman 15" which I'm sure I will greatly appreciate next year.

Aside from making delicious meat free food, the prospect of college is really exciting to me. I'm really looking forward to living on my own rather than depending on my parents, I haven't really felt like a child for quite some time, so I don't care much for being treated like one. There's also a chance I'm romanticizing the idea of the first few years after college. Call me crazy, but I'm kinda looking forward to surviving in some cheap little apartment with very little money, (picture Pieces of April) I'm quite low maintenance, all I really need is a bed, my beloved lap top named Lolita, and a kitchen and a bathroom. Oh, and a coffee maker of course. But romanticized or not, I'm sure it will be better than living a life that somebody else chose for me.
So that's what's going on in my head right now. Peace!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

hello blogosphere my name is colleen

So I've just decided I want a blog, partially because I don't feel like doing the copious amount of school work that I have waiting for me, and partially because I can be self centered and like talking about my life and am mildly fascinated with the idea of strangers knowing intimate details about my life.

So I guess to begin, a little bit about me; I'm Colleen, I live in a little middle of nowhere town in CT that is extremely boring, but is populated with some really amazing people, so for now I don't mind (of course there are also plenty of people I find less amazing, but that's just life). I'd like to think I see things differently than most people. I have some unorthodox ideas, some of which I can't even make sense of myself, but one of my goals in life is to figure them out before I die.

Another goal of mine is to become a social worker, I'm currently waiting to hear from the colleges I applied to so I can decide where I want to learn to do that. I try to see the beauty in other people. I generally succeed since I think we all come from the same abstract but wonderful thing/person/being most people call God. In case you couldn't tell, my thoughts on religion are one of those unorthodox ideas that I'll probably go into more depth about in a later blog but for now, suffice to say my spirituality is a big part of who I am, and that may seem contradictory since I'm very liberal but I promise it's not.

I would not survive without art. I like to read write listen to music play music and cover my walls in pretty pictures. going back to the whole seeing the beauty in people, I like to try to figure out the world by exploring self-expression, my own and others'. I tend to favour poetry and drawing for my own purposes, but I would love to get a little more variety in there at some point. I don't think anybody is better at turning human beauty into musical beauty than regina spektor. I adore her and I think you should too, whoever you are. There's probably something I've forgotten to mention, but my dad's yelling at me to clean up the house so I have to go.

Until the next time